How do I build my fence?

Pausing in demure stillness

I want to put my mind out to pasture, to have it graze on soft smelling grass and not ruminate till the hard earth brings up stones and roots that worry the entrails…. To contain? Where then? In which pasture? Where do I up the fence? How do I build it? With wood and nails and criss crosses that decorate the space and delineate a soft border with a friendly land? Electrical? Where the slightest touch jolts to attention and pushes the humbled wanderer to a safe middle ground, a small circular patch that allows for little stretching? Where is my border? My fence? How will I build it? If seeing beyond is both freedom and terror… Does the prison of the mind return? A cloth fence then. A soft white gauze that alters and shields from sharp images and floats up with the breeze, dancing freely with gay clouds when they come, yet pausing in demure stillness when the sky becomes steel gray, clouds of prison wardens in unforgiving rows…. How do I build my fence? And where?

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About wilhelminatunnels

Yes.
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2 Responses to How do I build my fence?

  1. Moose says:

    I really like your writing style and this piece about the fence really resonated with me. Can you really limit your thoughts, or on the other hand, is fencing them in necessary for survival in a way, to prevent overwhelm? So many questions… I want to come back and think about it some more.

    • Thank you for your comment. I get lots of visits on this blog but people rarely leave comments so it is a treat for me. That is a good question, the question I was asking myself when I wrote this. I guess I came to the conclusion that some type of fence is necessary but we must be careful not to enclose ourselves in a tiny pen, survival at the expense of freedom basically. It was important for me to find a solution, an image which allowed me to imagine the possibility of limiting one’s thoughts when necessary (when the unforgiving prison wardens come) yet allowing them freedom when the skies were clear. I write all these texts automatically, they soothe me without my understanding why or how. I can begin writing in a completely foul mood and continue writing till the mood lifts. This is one of those texts that answered a need I obviously had at the time. I only realize why now, as I write to you trying to explain it. Earlier in the blog I wrote about the freedom from words. These were similar ideas where I explore what it means to have no, or few, words as a child has. It’s the same idea. Words serve as a layer between us and objects and people and phenomena. I often wonder where it is we are meant to live; in the here and now, connected to our surroundings, animate and inanimate, or in the space where thoughts or words are, in the layer of thought between us and the world? If you read the posts on Hungary or a life without words (I’ll put the link) you’ll see how one can find exquisite bliss in a world without words. At least I did. As far as I can tell, getting rid of the layer of thought between us and the world is one of the most beautiful experiences we humans can have. Time and separation all fall away. It is sheer bliss. Doesn’t happen often in the hustle and bustle lives we lead. Perhaps it is only meant to be experienced in rare moments, to be all the more treasured. Anyway, I am pleased you like my “writing style” as you put it. The earlier posts had some videos too but I started a new blog in January, a fiction story that I’m writing, and have been posting less on this blog as the other blog takes time too. And of course, as most of us, I have a job in the real world too. However, I still do post here as it is very different from my fiction writing. Here are some older posts if you are interested.
      The thoughts on a life without words begin in October with this post https://wilhelminatunnels.wordpress.com/2010/10/09/on-hungary-hungarians-hungarian-and-the-silence-cure/ They go on into November with this post https://wilhelminatunnels.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/a-life-without-words/
      You may find I go on a bit, quite wordy in fact for someone touting the virtues of a life without words.

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